Description
Aside her emerald-green eyes that dart cautiously from place to place,
there is nothing particularly eye-catching about the appearance of the
fela before you. Reaching a bit over five feet in height, she dons
casual clothes and robes and seemingly little armor, all in rather
plain style. Although mostly masked by her loose clothing, her figure
looks slender with appropriately placed feminine curves and relatively
little muscle for one of her race. Her smooth coat of fur is a silvery
gray with a tabby pattern of black stripes, and her black, wavy hair
reaches her the level of her shoulders, restrained only slightly by a
worn band of twined leather, dyed deep blue, tied around her head.
Role
Weird Dreams
Added Tue Jun 5 10:26:27 2007 at level 18:
"Who... who are you? Where am I?"
Now that's a stupid question, don't you recognize me? I'm you!
"...what?"
You're just dreaming, so stop looking so frightened. And what would you need to
fear from yourself, anyway?
"..."
You don't believe me? I'm your subconscious, I know everything about you! Here,
let me prove it: you're Maiaril, you have no idea who your father was, you hail
from Moonshade and have no home at the time, your mother lives somewhere in
Blackclaw, you're kind of timid and easily frightened, you tend to be hard on
yourself...
"That's enough! So... you might be me but... why am I talking to myself in a
dream...?"
Because being your subconscious, I know you've been down lately, and you have no
one to pep you up other than... yourself. I know you feel guilty for doing what
you did, leaving your mother alone like that and instead going your own way, but
you remember what she said when you parted ways, don't you?
"...she said... she might not understand why I did it but it was my choice in
the end..."
So she's hardly holding a grudge, is she now? And why did you do it, anyway, why
didn't you stick with her?
"You should know... you're me..."
But I want to hear you say it.
"...it didn't feel right, leaving our home just because everyone else was going
away, abandoning the village, moving to bigger cities... I didn't want to be a
part of that, it just felt so... cheap, you know?"
Do I ever... that's one of the few times you've been actually listening to me,
you know. I had to prod and push you a lot to get you to do what you wanted
rather than what seemed "proper" for everyone else! So you might be alone now,
but you haven't really let anyone down, and most importantly, you never gave up
your dreams. So stop being so hard on yourself and dare to listen to me at other
times than just when you're sleeping!
"...maybe you have a point, but..."
No buts. Even if you have trouble speaking these peoples' language, you've
managed well for many years, and you even know magic! That's a whole lot more
than could be said for many people.
And don't even start moping about how you feel ashamed for your choice of
pursuing magic, it's not your fault many felar don't properly appreciate the
very power that created us! Their opinions don't mean anything, because deep down
you know you're in the right and they're just scared and angry.
"..."
Seriously, listen to me... yourself. Even if the choices you did make coming this
far weren't right, you still believed them to be right, you went with what your
heart told you instead of letting someone boss you around. That alone is enough.
You have to believe in yourself, Maiaril... if you don't listen to me, then listen
to the rustle of the wind in the leaves and the howl around the mountains... hear
how they're telling you that you're not so miserable as you like to think you are!
"I'll... I'll try."
You had better. Now I've said what I wanted to, go and dream about something else!
Restless Dreams
Added Thu Jun 14 10:06:27 2007 at level 33:
You're looking restless.
"...it's you again."
Yes, it's you! I can tell when you feel lost and afraid about something...
what's troubling you now? You can tell me, it'll make you feel better. You know
how you can find answers to big questions in your dreams.
And before you argue that I should know already, it's better when you confess
having a problem than just mull over it. Come on...
"Well you remember that storm giant... the one that was talking up a storm
about his 'Dream'? It sounded pretty weird all in all but... it still made me
think..."
That's not a bad thing, is it?
"...well, no, but it just makes me feel a little puzzled, what if he had a
point after all? I don't believe all that... peace and providence and whatever
else he said, but..."
That doesn't really explain why it would be troubling you... you're afraid you
might agree with a giant?
"No! But... when I turn into something, and just run, feel the wind on me and
hear it roar in my ears, it's like... I understand what he meant with the talk
about harmony. It just feels... right that way..."
That's something ancient inside you, something like me, which you don't quite
know how to listen to... maybe it's a memory of what felar once were, free and
wild. But you're learning to listen to me a little bit... you've actually
gathered your courage to stand up and fight a few times!
"...I just wish I would understand myself better. It's hard to stand up for
what you believe in if you don't... if you don't know what you really believe."
I think you know already, but you just don't want to admit it... and maybe you
are just trying to think all too hard. You like to say how some things feel
right, how about you try going with that alone without trying to rationalize
anything?
Think about the real horses and boars and ferrets, do you think they spend
their time mulling over what they are or are supposed to be? No, they just...
are, and live. They do just fine without all the doubt and wonderment...
"But it's so hard... hard having your feelings say one thing and your wits
telling another..."
I'm still a part of your thoughts, Maiaril... and if I'm telling you to keep
a closer ear to your heart, what does that mean?
"..."
You've been brave lately... just keep that up, don't back away from things
that might worry or frighten you if your heart says they're the right choice,
and I'm sure you'll figure out everything you need to eventually. Maybe you
should even ask that storm giant again!
"... I think... no, I feel I should... maybe..."
You've learned that weird language of these lands quite well, asking a few
questions from a giant with his head up in the clouds shouldn't be too hard!
And one like him would hardly try to trick or hurt you, would he now?
"I suppose..."
Now sleep tight... you have magic to study! Magic that just might help you
understand yourself.
Finally, Some Enlightenment?
Added Sun Jun 24 13:22:51 2007 at level 34:
I told you it wouldn't be that bad...
"...myah, that druid, we... had an understanding of sorts I think."
Anyone who understands what it feels like to have wind breezing around you like
that can't be too wrong... so what does it feel like, finding a thread to clasp
and follow?
"I... I think I'm happy... a little. You know, not... fulfilled kind of happy
but just... hopeful. I feel like I'm on the right path here... with this whole
Dream and Thar-Eris thing..."
That's a good start... now don't give up on it. Learn to forget, like the druid
said, there's more than just the physical forms you can borrow from animals!
"I'm not going to... I even... got attacked by that necromancer and the zombies
and... I won! I so wanted to run and hide but I... stayed and..."
I know! I'm proud of you... you're more than the little frightened kitten you
used to be, you've grown up quite a bit.
"...there's one thing."
What's that?
"Ancients, spirits of the old times, memories of what used to be... something
that's trying to guide us to what we're supposed to be... are you an Ancient?"
You're talking to yourself here, silly. I'm just you!
"...I suppose."
Or maybe I am? Maybe it is just like Linaeren said... it isn't that no one would
be unable to hear, it's just that most don't know how to listen...
"...you're not making this any easier."
Hah! You just need more time, you'll find all your answers some day.
Some day.
And now for something completely different
Added Thu Aug 9 10:34:19 2007 at level 49:
One explanation probably says more than a thousand monologies, so let's have one
of those too.
Maiaril has come quite far from the frightened little girl barely able to speak
the common language.
Even if she feels far more accepted and certain of her purpose in the world,
Maiaril still hasn't gotten over being a little jumpy and uncertain about herself.
She can't really be called a coward, since she tries to fight those feelings
rather than just wallow in self-pity, and the spark of her wild, untamed
subconscious gets kindled at times, particularly when she assumes an animal shape
and gets to run free, "just feeling the breeze" like she might say. Her connection
to the sphere Air isn't a very profound one, rather just an inexplicable, innate
appreciation for the sense of freedom being blown by a gust and running bring her.
Although her way of thinking has come following the Outlander dogma more closely
since her acceptance among them, she still tries to keep an open mind rather than
go rampaging in the name of the Ancients against everyone possible. She'd rather
see the dwarves, duergars, thieves and other cityfolk give her a real reason to
get antagonized (like being Tribunals and such, who are actively harming her
newfound home rather than just being passively disliked), and prefers to hide
from those crazy Battleragers than pick fights with them.
She still has a particular dislike for paladins, though, after all the trouble
and pain they have caused for her and her friends (for one reason or another,
some good ones, some not) in her adventures.