Role
Backstory
Added Sun Dec 26 17:22:47 2021 at level 1:
Wake. Train. Sleep.
1. Train to your limits, be strong, be quick, be smart. Knowledge is power. Be
powerful.
Wake. Train. Sleep.
2. Learn all you can. Your abilities, your location, the people around you.
Know it all. Learn it all. Use it all.
Wake. Train. Sleep.
3. Become a great. Become a legend. Become the past, and prepare the future.
For years life was always the same.
Wake. Train. Sleep.
Wake. Train. Sleep.
His body and his mind honed into the perfect being, a true son of the father.
Or so he hoped. He had followed his fathers notes to the letter and that is
what mattered. He learned all he could about the art of an assassin but he
needed more. He needed to know everything.
Wake. Train. Sleep.
Wake. Train. Sleep.
Twelve years Odren trained, until there was no more training he could do. The
only thing left was his fathers notes on the land, accompanied by maps and
some supplies which could last him until he got to the supposed great academy,
where his true journey will begin.
Wake. Train. Sleep...
Look. Listen. Learn.
Added Fri Dec 31 09:11:00 2021 at level 17:
Look. Listen. Learn.
10. Don't attack animals in front of pixies. They do not like that.
Look. Listen. Learn.
18. Learning from your enemies can be some of the best experience or learning
you can receive.
Look. Listen Learn.
22. Guard your tongue in your moments of frustration, disappointment and
anger.
As my knowledge grows, the rules grow too. It is getting harder to keep track
of them all but I will follow them as best I can, as I always have. Life has
changed. Everyday there is something new to learn, somewhere new to explore,
someone new to meet. I found The Eternal Library and it has so much to learn.
I keep going back to gather more information.
Look. Listen. Learn.
Look. Listen. Learn.
I have met adventures and trained my skills with others. I have even made some
true friends. They are entertainers at the Eternal Star Inn. They have helped
greatly in my journeys and have brightened my life. And they are talented,
much more so than me. I should have expected that others would have more
knowledge than me but I never even considered it until getting to the academy.
Now I sometimes feel like I know nothing.
Look. Listen. Learn.
Look. Listen. Learn.
I have died, but like the Lady Ishuli says in her libraries rules "There is no
shame in ignorance, only in refusing to learn". Each death only makes me
stronger. The rules grow with all I learn. I know I am weak but I will be
strong. I will learn.
Look. Listen. Learn.
And when I have learned enough, I will do as Jeremiacia Brown said in Art of
the Assassin. I will teach. I want to follow the assassins before me, my
father before me, and share the knowledge I gain with those who are like
myself currently. I left a scroll for the Lady Ishuli telling her I want to
add to her library as a way to thank her for it. That is how I will leave my
mark, that is how I will become a legend.
Look. Listen. Learn.
Darkness and Light 1
Added Mon Jan 3 03:57:29 2022 at level 29:
Darkness and Light.
Darkness and Light does not refer to good and evil.
Darkness and Light.
Darkness and Light does not refer to order and chaos.
Darkness and Light.
Darkness and Light simply refers to the true eternal struggle, one between
merriment and melancholy.
Darkness. Necromancers, death, wasted opportunities, loss.
Light. Coffee, friends, knowledge, growth.
Darkness. I am slow, slower than those around me. I am learning fast, but I
still can not keep up. I am afraid, afraid of death, afraid of asking
questions. I panic when I am in danger. I forget the rules and what I have
learned and just focus and trying to be safe, but that is not the right
reaction. I know it is irrational but I can not help it. I need to get over my
fears and I need to get fast. I do not know how yet. I will never truly be
able to teach until I can first learn how to learn. How does one learn how to
learn? Normally reading could teach everything but are there books about
learning? I have not seen one. I do not have an answer on how to learn.
Light. I am stronger, I have trained, I have made friends. I may not yet know
how to learn how to learn but that hasn't completely stopped me. I am still
gaining knowledge everyday from everyone I meet, every experience I have had.
The rules continue to grow, I am glad to have the rules. They give structure.
They give safety in an unsafe world. There are rules for the inn and Lady Rary
said I may have to enforce them. I will ensure that I do. She was nice, Lady
Rary, so much more normal than I expected of an immortal. I imagined being
alive forever would make you lose some of your sensibilities but I am glad it
does not. At least not for her.
Darkness and Light 2
Added Mon Jan 3 03:58:11 2022 at level 29:
Darkness. Rules are not perfect. There are flaws in the system. I have been
attacked in Galadon on 5 separate occasions now, being killed in one of those
attacks. I was there when Gret got murdered in the market square by that owl
person and could do nothing about it because the gods were trying to keep me
safe. Atrissa said not to even report the attacks on me to the Tribunal. No
wonder so many people said they didn't trust the Tribunal to protect them in
Moral Versions of the Law by Alisani Sanaai. I still hold out hope, but from
what I have seen so far...
Light. Lady Rary asked me why the Heralds came to be. I didn't know the answer
but I told her that the Heralds are an eternal star in the dark nights of this
world. It is true, I think. Ever since I met Atrissa I have been drawn to the
inn. She was a major factor in my initial desire to keep going back but over
time I grew to love the atmosphere, the people, the mood. It is fun. It is
alive. It is the anti-death. There is much I can learn from the Heralds and it
may be my best opportunity to teach once I have learned, outside of adding to
the Eternal Library of course. I am glad that Rexan pushed me on the the topic
of joining, and that the spirit of the cat said that I should. I won't let
down the tens of thousands of ghosts that travel to the inn every moon. I told
Zicci and Lady Rary that I would do my best and I will. I will always do my
best.
Five Lessons Learned from Death 1
Added Thu Jan 6 17:44:07 2022 at level 34:
One. The world is unforgiving. People will die. You will die. Death is
everywhere and is ultimately unavoidable. Everything can be going well, you
can be getting strong, you can be getting coffee, you can be sitting and
talking. You are not safe. Always be watching. Never relax. Danger is
everywhere. Friends can fail you. Friends can get you killed.
53. No matter how secure you think you are, you are never safe.
Two. Death is not to be feared. If you fear death, you fear life. You cannot
life with out the risk of death. I am not planning out and getting myself
intentionally killed, far from it, but death should be expected as a possible
out come from actions. I was afraid, majorly afraid, of dieing. But now, now I
get it. I can not let fear rule over me. I can not let the chance of death be
the deciding factor in my choices. Death is just a possible side effect.
19. Decisiveness is a principle about making decisions but the most important
part about it, is that it's done in a timely fashion.
Three. I was bad at fighting. I still am, of course, but I have improved
dramatically. The Ugruks have been an oportune enemy to learn from. They are
tough but not insurmountable when fought right. I have learned how to properly
combine my strikes and caltraps to weak their offense so I do not need to
worry as much about my own defense. I have learned to be more reserved in my
use of my abilities, if I try to go all out then I no longer have time to
escape if things go bad. I have learned to react to my enemies, after they
charge at me wait until they drop their defenses again before going for a kick
or throw. I have learned to run when in danger, I know how much of a beating I
can take from them and when I feel it is too much I can retreat. They have
killed me because I did not know these things, but now I know for all future
battles and as long as I can remain calm I am much more prepared.
26. Dont panic when you are underattack. Remember your training and properly
analyse the situation.
Five Lessons Learned from Death 2
Added Thu Jan 6 17:45:05 2022 at level 34:
Four. It is good to work with others. It makes fighting easier. It makes the
deaths easier to deal with. It makes life more interesting. It makes things
fun. Dieing by myself over and over is just sad, I would rather be with
someone who I can laugh it off with. Or complain about it. Or just anything. I
want to spend time with other people, not just to learn from them, but also
just because it is nice. Even if it is not always easy.
32. Dont forget to relax sometimes. Get a coffee, write some scrolls, go to
the library, see your friends.
Five. Jeremiacia Brown wrote two books for the Eternal Library. 'Art of the
Assassin' and 'Hunting and Escape'. These books have influenced me more than
any others that I have read since leaving the acadamy. Jeremiaica was an
assassin of old. They repeat in both books how important it is to learn from
defeat, from failure, from your enemies. I didn't understand it before but of
course I didn't. I hadn't thought about it properly. Learning from death is
about reflection on not just the immediate cause. There is all that leads up
to it. Your actions and the actions of others.
I have learned how to learn from my death,
and I think I have learned how to really learn because of it.
Learning is not just about absorbing everything you see and hear. You need to
reflect on it, consider different aspects about it. Think about what it means
to you, how it affects you and others and how it fits into your preexisting
understanding of things. What we recieve is pure knowledge, it must be refined
down like a metal. That is how you really learn.
17. Even if you lose you win, why? Because you learned something new.
Goals
Added Sat Jan 15 05:09:15 2022 at level 39:
I need something concrete. A real solid list of goals. Tick of the boxes. Get
it done. Stop floundering and become a great.
One. Stop being afraid of others. I do not understand why it happens but I
just have such trouble talking sometimes, sitting silently, struggling to get
out words. I have started to work on it, forcing myself to speak anything that
comes to mind and trying to reach out to others. It is hard but I need to do
it if I want to get anywhere. Communication is very important. I do not want
to let this fear control my life.
Two. Learn more. This follows goal one, in that the best way to learn is from
trying to get answers from others. I have also started this one. Just pushing
out questions when I can. I have learned much recently from this and it is
getting me information that is not just given in an open conversation.
Directed questions can get directed answers, learn more about the topics I
need to know. I will do it frequently and learn all I can.
Two point one. A brief list of topics to find out more about: Immortals, my
friends lives, battle, adventuring, storytelling, learning, teaching.
Three. I want to teach more. My very limited experiences with it have been so
nice. Helping other people know what I have already found is so much better
than just getting knowledge for myself. Of course, I have a long way to go
until I can truly consider myself a Sensei but it is the one goal that ties
everything together. I want to be able to give back what has been given to me.
The Heralds have all taught me so much, as have my friends outside the Inn.
Even people I don't like help me learn. I will do the same, one day, I will
know enough and then I will be able to do the same.
Pinnacle
Added Tue Jan 18 15:13:39 2022 at level 51:
It took some amount of time, many deaths and a lot of help but I have done it.
I have reached the top, the highest rank my guild can give. They call me a
sensei now. I know I have yet to earn that title but I will get there. I
promise.
Life since entering the academy has not gone as I had expected it to. I
anticipated constant training and arduous research, but I have a much better
time than that. I have made friends and got a job as an entertainer. I am a
story teller. Not my strongest skill yet but I have been working on it and no
one has been dissatisfied by my work yet.
I have been on adventures across Thera and beyond. From forests to oceans to
the historic Arial city in the mountains I have seen so much. And there is
still so much yet to see.
I have grown stronger, much stronger than I ever realized I could be. Even
others have commented on it. It is nice to get recognition like that.
I have gotten help from so many and I appreciate them all.
The many that have taken me on adventures, Gret and Jefan, Quih, Lulvera and
Maarlaro, Zatel and Seixris, Dareanna and Koennet, Wofnir.
All the advice, help and excursions from my fellow Heralds. Rytohn and Zicci
and High Herald Gwendelya herself.
Lady Ishuli's library, Lady Azorinne's story, Lady Rary's employment.
And of course, Atrissa Amethiste.
And of course, Atrissa Amethiste.
Added Wed Jan 19 08:00:38 2022 at level 51:
I had just had an unfortunate encounter in which I learned pixies do not like
when you kill animals. Sitting in Bargalha's, drinking some coffee to help
deal with the pain. And out of seemingly no where, the radiant Atrissa
Amethiste came into my life. "Follow me, Odren. You are most fortunate I found
you". She wasn't wrong there. Meeting Atrissa ended up changing everything for
me.
She took me on a quick journey to Tir-Talath and Voralian City, to help some
guy whos father got ambushed on the Tir-Talath Road. It was the first
substancial interaction I had really ever had with anyone since I was a child.
She gave me some advice, like don't carry such heavy things so you can dodge
and then brought me to the inn and left. But I didn't mind because she had
introduced me as her friend. And it was nice, to have a friend.
I would return to the Inn many times after that. Meeting others and eating
food. After a deadly meeting with a necromancer I started drinking the
wine too. I saw kindness and friendship in the Inn, the kind that I had never
seen anywhere else. And I learn so much, I read from the Lyceum and Atrissa
took me on adventures. Rexan gave me a tome about Lady Azorinne's tale and it
inspired me greatly. And so when the spirits of the Inn did decide that they
wanted me there, it just made so much sense to join.
And Atrissa has just been so helpful to me through it all. She answers my
questions, she gives me advice, she has shown me where so many things are and
tries to get me involved when I am struggling to talk. She has come to help me
on adventures and taught me so much about the world and just spends time
talking to me.
I will never be able to repay her for all she has done but I will forever be
the best friend to her that I can and do my best to help her in anyway she
needs. That is a promise.
Conflicted
Added Fri Jan 21 18:38:39 2022 at level 51:
Sadeha, the Imperial Shadow Lord, wants to kill me. She has done so on
multiple occassions now and tried even more. This is not a good thing and I
dislike her heavily for it. As is to be the expected reaction to someone who
wants you dead. But. It is more than that. I am happy when she dies. It makes
me smile when I get news about it. I have started to proactively tell the
Outlanders about her, they can't see her like I can, just to make it more
likely that they can well kill her.
This feels wrong to me, not a situation I am used to. It is happiness but it
is not pure happiness. When I was talking to Amayra she said that The Light
flourishes from pure hapiness. And that when people enjoy stories that is pure
happiness. That any happiness that comes from the heart without malice is pure
regardless of who it comes from. And the happiness I feel about Sadeha has got
a whole load of malice in it.
The Light, appeals to me. I didn't grow up with the concept, my father did not
write about light or dark anywhere. But, I want people to be happy. I want to
help people and see them become better and be happier too. Everyone has their
own idea on what The Light is. I have been compiling a list of what people
think of it, so far it is just from those who actually follow it. I don't want
it to get ruined by someone say it is stupid or something, I can only imagine.
I know I don't really follow The Light myself. But, I for sure know I do not
want to end up in the darkness. Not caring about others and killing without
remorse? It is awful. And, I am worried that feeling happy about Sadeha dieing
could be the first step down that path. I will talk to my friends about it.
See if I can get advice from them. Having friends is a nice way to get advice
about things like this.
I Hate Her
Added Mon Jan 24 09:47:37 2022 at level 51:
Sadeha, the Imperial Shadow Lord, sat outside the Inn. I, knowing my job, went
to greet her, see if she needed anything. And immediatly got attacked. This
was my first interaction with her. I didn't die that time, but I did others.
She hounds me and she is getting worse. Endlessly waiting outside the Inn for
me to leave, asaulting our guard with poison darts, assassinating Rokzar while
he and Rexan were helping me train, sending one of her Imperial lackeys to
kill me while I was working, attacking me in Voralian City without a care for
the laws.
I hate her.
I have learned from her, I truly have. She was shown me how to use my own way
of combat more effectively, she has gotten me more used to the flow of battle,
I am better able to navigate now that I have had to flee from her without my
sight. She has shown me what becomes of someone who is filled with negative
emotions, someone who is willing to kill without remorse, someone who does not
care to have The Light in their life. It was an important lesson to learn.
I hate her.
The most worrying thing I have learned though, is how much negativity I have
inside myself. The rage I feel when I see her, waiting for me to leave. The
malice in my heart when I fight her. The shame when I lose and the elation
when I win. I fear that I will end up like her.
I hate her.
She will not win. I am afraid now but I will get better. I will keep learning,
keep growing, and beat her. She thinks I am a pathetic coward, let her think
what she wants. I know I will beat her because, unlike her, even when I lose I
win. Unlike her I have my friends to help me. She says I will be treated as
one of the Fortress? Gladly, they have been nothing but helpful and kind to
me. Seeing what they did, just going around and helping people who are
struggling, giving out gold and food and toys, I know that I shouldn't be
treated as one of them. I have never done anything so generous. It felt so
nice, even just being there to watch. But maybe in the future I can do
something, make a difference in the world, help people like I have been helped
and like those people were helped.
I hate her. And I love my friends.
Guidance 1
Added Thu Jan 27 09:48:02 2022 at level 51:
I have learned a lot and I continue to learn. I am better at talking now, it
is getting a lot easier finally. I have started being asked for help from
people and I can actually give it. Offering guidance for others is a feeling
unlike any other. Maybe it comes from Jeremiacia making such a deal out of it
or maybe I always had it in me, but reagardless I am starting to feel like a
real Sensei, even if its just the start.
Gwendelya, our High Herald has now been back for a while. She has earned her
title of Expedition Leader, even if she was originally given it for
recklessness. She has guided us through many adventures now. The abandoned
seige camp, various dragon hunts, Kteng's laboratory, Veran. She is...
incredible. I see now why she was missed so much. Getting to know her has just
added an extra element to life that I didn't know was missing and I am
endlessly greatful for her help, even if she has gotten me killed, a lot.
Melethron is our newest Herald, a baker. He needs guidance. He comes from the
past and chasing after his love and her brother he got lost in fog, lost in
time, and now he is here. Gwendelya and Atrissa and Lady Rary have all been
helping him and I do what I can too. He has gotten much better since meeting
Gwendelya and hopefully he continues to improve. He is a nice guy and I am
happy to have more people at the Inn.
Guidance 2
Added Thu Jan 27 09:49:48 2022 at level 51:
I have been seeking guidance. I want to become more like those in The Light
and stop myself from becoming like Sadeha. I talked to Amayra about it,
although I could have been more clear, she did say that I shouldn't hide my
truths from my friends because They can already see them. I learned that it
can be ok to want bad things to happen to people like Sadeha, people who
probably cannot be helped. I would prefer if she could be, but it makes it
easier to know that I am justified in my hatred.
Rexan Rivas gave me a white leather tome with just an eclipse on the cover
back when I had barely left the academy, hoping that it would inspire me. The
first story I ever told came directly from that tome and while I told it
poorly it did start me on my current path. When I first read it, I took it as
an interesting story about hope, heroics and a vow. I have carried that book
with me since I received it but it took me far too long to truly read it.
Lady Azorinne asked those that had forsaken her to make three vows. A vow to
be a beacon of judgement. A vow to serve justice or fail to and face it
instead. A vow to show mercy to those who wish to change their lives. I
understand mercy, it is easy for me. Amayra taught me about Justice, but I
have yet to really practice it. I am getting better with my judgement now but
I am not there yet. I want to talk to Lady Azorinne. I want to see if she can
offer me some of the guidance I need.
Determination
Added Mon Jan 31 09:12:09 2022 at level 51:
"I think the worst thing you can do is deign to know what you are getting
into." Well, Atrissa was right, as always. I talked to Lady Azorinne and it
really was not what I expected. I was so nervous, I could barely talk but she
is really kind and full of answers. Everything that I need. Of course, our
friendship has just started still but I am hoping for the best. She has been
teaching me a lot I didn't realize. I have made a separate set of rules so I
can follow what she teaches me.
I have been following them but I keep running into questions, thankfully she
said she would answer them for me and I have my friends to help too. I am
looking forward to talking to her again. I think I know what vow I want to
make when she thinks I am ready for that. I am really grateful for the
opportunity to change that she is giving me, although I am a little bit scared
about it. But that seems to be pretty typical for me these days. Even scared,
I won't give up.
I think my biggest struggle so far has been how I should approach people with
red auras. Lady Azorinne said we should try to help people with darkness in
their hearts by teaching them what is right, so I have started to send Sadeha
stories about adventures I have gone on so she can see what having friends is
like but she hasn't replied to them and became Empress and still waits outside
the Inn a whole lot. But now that I have made a deal, sealed in the blood we
lost on our adventures, with Zicci that we would both try to find out out
about her so we could help, I won't give up on her.
Sazvah is another one that I met recently, when she was dropping rocks on me
and some Fortress members. But she came by later to apologize which was really
nice of her. We talked again after that, she showed me that she can walk
through doors! So cool! I asked her to teach me and she said first I have to
light my hands on fire. I have been trying but haven't got it yet. She also
has a red aura, I tried to tell her about Lady Azorinne but. Well. I think I
need to work on my talking to people about going to the Light. But I won't
give up on her.
Lady Rary told us that new books might be getting added to the Lyceum, so I
started really working on mine. It is to help kids and young adventures,
assassins in particular, to understand the importance of the lessons I learned
growing up and from Jeremiacia. A collection of stories about a small brown
mouse and his adventures. Hopefully I can finish it soon enough and no matter
what I won't give up.
Atrissa is Dead. 1
Added Wed Feb 2 19:47:39 2022 at level 51:
"Am I dead?", that was the moment when my world started to crumble. "Yes. You
are." I hadn't looked properly. Hadn't realized how dead, dead was. I figured
this was some brawl gone wrong or a misadventure. Not dead dead. Not putting
on a glove that makes you old so you die dead. Not Atrissa would be gone
forever dead. When I heard what happened I laughed, I couldn't help myself.
"You best perfect that lore" she told me, so I did and now I check the lore on
everything. But Atrissa is too tired and lazy to follow her own advice. And
she died for it. Died from laziness.
I was really mad at her. How could she just leave us like that? Who is going
to make everything happen now? Who is going to be there to help me and answer
my questions and take all my food and keep everyone happy? No one! I was mad.
And sad. Really really sad. I would have done anything for her, to help pay
her back for all she has done for me and because it is what you do for your
best friend. And Atrissa will always be my best friend. I miss her so much. I,
when everyone was at the bar mourning her, I read out the poem I wrote for her
for after Aranir died. I had just called it For Atrissa because it didn't need
a name but maybe it ended up being a prediction. She never even got to tell me
all about Aranir.
I feel so empty without her, so lost and confused in the world. I can't bring
myself to write anything and it is hard to enjoy the adventures we are going
on. I feel sick, I feel like I am missing a part of me, there is a big Atrissa
sized hole in the world and how could anything ever fill it? I can't see
colors like Zicci but I could see how bright she shone, lighting up the night
like the sun itself. She may have been lazy but she must have had enough
energy to keep both of us going, because now I feel drained.
The words in my head can't describe the feelings I feel now. I think it has
hit me a lot harder than others though everyone has been nice to me about it.
Kytria said Atrissa wouldn't want me to drown in my grief from it but it is
hard to stay above them. Gwendelya said she would answer my questions and I
appreciate it but for as incredible as Gwendelya is, she is not Atrissa. Lady
Azorinne said I could just miss her and remember why I loved her. I am going
to do that, I can't help myself.
People seem to disagree with me about Sazven. "Odren she is up to no good"
"Odren she is an Outlander Scion Imperial here to cause problems" "Odren she
is bad bad bad". I know she is not perfect. She fights people just to kill
them, it's not right. But she is not doing it maliciously. Not really. I know
I can help her she just needs to see why what she is doing is bad. I just
don't know how to show her yet. I asked Lady Azorinne for help and we are
going to talk about it, so hopefully she knows what to do. And if in the end
it turns out I can't help her? Well she is my friend and I promised I wouldn't
Atrissa is Dead. 2
Added Wed Feb 2 19:48:12 2022 at level 51:
betray her so I won't. Talking to her have been my best experiences since
Atrissa died. I really appreciate her. And, well, she is cute.
More Goals 1
Added Wed Feb 9 07:03:51 2022 at level 51:
I am getting old. Not Gwendelya old, of course, but old. I want to figure out
what I am doing with the rest of my life. There are things that I will do
anyway, like help people and eat turkey and go on adventures. But I want to
set my goals to drive me. Make the most out of the life that I do have.
My main goal will be to do my best to do my best. I want to be better and I
have been getting help to do so from Lady Azorinne and the Fortress guys and
picking up on stuff from Gwendelya and Melethron. I just, keep asking
questions and trying to learn. Dohri told me I am doing good, she said I
already serve the Light so much. That. I hope it is true. She also told me I
can try make up for my mistakes. I don't think I ever fully can. But I will do
my best of course. It is something which I really should start working on. I
just don't really know where to start yet. It is something that I will spend
the rest of my life working on, I just, hope I can do enough to at least help
somewhat make a difference.
I want to put my faith into Lady Azorinne's truth. We talked about Sazven, and
how I could help her. I went into it worried that she would tell me to give
up, that there was nothing I could do. I probably would have left right there.
But she didn't, she told me to never give up but be careful not to help her do
bad things. It really put the whole thing together for me. Help people see the
path towards Light by spreading it and keeping it safe and letting those who
want to change embrace it. Her truth may be about three vows but they are all
connected into one obvious ideal. To share the Light with all and never stop
sharing it. That is Lady Azorinne's truth and it is a truth that I am willing
to put my faith into.
I want to finish my book for the Lyceum, a collection of stories about a small
brown mouse. I wrote the first one after a conversation with Atrissa inspired
me. I want it to be something that kids and young adventurers learn from.
Before he left, Rexan told us that if he retired he would open an orphanage. I
want this to be the kind of book that kids in an orphanage could be read. I
know how I want to frame it properly now too. Nine stories, one for each of my
nine rules. Maybe it can inspire them, to make their own or pick out the ones
they find appropriate or just be good advice. Anything to help them would be
worthwhile to me.
I want to learn magic. It kind of started on a whim, Sazven said she could
walk through doors and after watching it I was a little, enamored. It is just,
so cool. It isn't even all that practical most of the time. But, that doesn't
matter. I want to do it. She told me I need to learn channel heat first and I
have been trying, but it is a real struggle. I don't think I have really
gotten anywhere with it. I have done some research on magic since and I get
the idea now, use my body as a conduit for the fire from the fire plane. Just,
should try at least.
More Goals 2
Added Wed Feb 9 07:04:29 2022 at level 51:
But there is more than magic, I want to learn as much as I can. If I had it my
way, I would know everything. But I will never get there. I am ok with that. I
will settle for knowing as much as I can. I just need to go learn more and
never ever stop learning.
Acceptance 1
Added Mon Feb 21 08:08:25 2022 at level 51:
I had a talk with Dohri and a talk with Lady Azorinne and both of them said I
should make amends with the people who I needlessly hurt in the past. I made a
list of as many as I could remember and started writing things I would say to
them when trying to make amends. I was really worried about actually doing it
though. I, had a nightmare about my biggest fear. I got old and died really
quick like Atrissa and there was nothing I could do, my goals were all left
uncompleted. Since then making amends has become my main drive, at least until
I can get it all done.
It is really hard though, even with all the help I have been getting. When you
accept the mistakes you have made and then have someone say to your face how
you messed up, it really does not feel good. I would dread talking to them,
wasting a lot of time trying to psych myself up and sometimes it wasn't even
enough. And then the pain of what I did comes in full force when I do talk,
and it is so bad. But I have been getting through them. I have spoken to Wilem
the Third Brigade's engineer, who said I would have to live with what I did.
Then I talked to the chief of the OneHearts. He said to be forgiven I would
have to understood his people. Amayra told me to get in contact with Dotarog,
but I have not gotten the chance yet. Dohri and Gwendelya both praise me for
how much effort I have put into making amends but this is the least I could
do. I will never be able to undo my mistakes.
The whole thing had left me feeling so, bad. It was all so hard and I was so
focused on it I forgot what was really important, one of the key factors that
separates the Light from Darkness. True Happiness. I met a high priestess of
Lady Azorinne, Anaimhe, she reminded me about that. She gave me a blessing of
joy and it really worked. I think? I have been so much more happy since then
at least. Maybe it was the blessing or maybe just the talk we had but, it
reminded me that there is more to life than just focusing on what I need to
do. I have to have fun too.
Acceptance 2
Added Mon Feb 21 08:09:22 2022 at level 51:
I know I don't have long left anymore and so I am going to make the most of my
time. Making amends is still my main drive but I am not going to let it be all
I do. I want to have fun and learn as much as I can and help others. I even
have people asking me about my journey with the Light now, I have to be a true
sensei to them, guiding others on their path towards the light and allowing
them to embrace it. Knowing that I can maybe help others on their own paths,
even just a little, makes all the pain I have felt on my own journey worth it.
If I can help them at all then I must be doing something right.
In allowing happiness to refill my heart, I have come to accept Atrissa's
death. It still makes me sad to remember she is not around anymore, of course
but I am also happy when I remember her and all the good times we had. I can
make jokes about her and tell stories too. Atrissa left a big impact on a lot
of people and I am happy to spread that whenever I can. Kytria made a painting
for me, with Atrissa and me after I have achieved all my goals. It was so
thoughtful, I can't even put into words how it makes me feel when I look at
it.
PK Wins
Jan 19, 2022|Lv 51|Outskirts of Galadon|Sadeha vs 2: [51] Rokzar (79%, lightning strike), [51] Odren (20%)
Jan 22, 2022|Lv 51|East Sumner's Road|Sadeha vs 2: [51] Odren (50%, smash), [51] Rexan (49%)
Jan 22, 2022|Lv 51|East Sumner's Road|Sadeha vs 3: [51] Rexan (57%), [51] Odren (19%), [51] Rokzar (23%, redeeming fist)