Role
Ruza the Loser
Added Mon Mar 9 05:42:16 2026 at level 1:
Ruza is convinced she is destined for greatness. She dreams of being the most
feared Goblin in Thera, a master of chaos and destruction. Unfortunately, her
ambitions far outstrip her abilities, and her attempts at grandeur usually end
in hilarious failure. Yet she carries on, even taking on the appellation she
now wears as a prideful corruption of, well, what she is: A loser.
To now, her story is one of perpetual failure. Every scheme she hatches, every
trap she sets, every ambush she tries, ends in disaster. Yet, through sheer
luck or the sheer absurdity of her actions, she occasionally stumbles into
something that almost works. These rare moments of near-success only fuel her
delusions of grandeur. After all, if it wasn't for everyone else's
incompetence (and surely never her own), it all would have worked out! It's
not HER fault!
Ruza the Troublemaker
Added Mon Mar 16 19:32:44 2026 at level 15:
Thinking is hard, and Ruza knows this because she's tried it a few times and
it always gives her a headache.
But sometimes, late at night, she drags herself back to the Grinning Skull
village and the camp is quiet (as much as the word applies when there's always
shouting and thudding and screaming and brawling and...)
The only sound is her own stomach growling, and that's when Ruza's brain does
the thing. The thinking thing. She doesn't like it.
Things have gone wrong lately. It's everyone else's fault! They should lay
down and let Ruza walk all over them. They should give her the big shiny
things. The sharpest weapons, the thickest armor, the shiniest...magic...shiny
things.
Instead they KEEP them. That's not right. It makes Ruza have to TAKE them. And
that is a problem, because everyone else is stronger. Everything can kill her
without trying. She needs help, like Buuhl or mercenaries or slaves. But
getting these things means that Ruza has less! Has to buy them. Has to
cooperate. Has to share the loot. YARK.
But being weak is not so bad. Being small is an advantage, she thinks. Maybe.
In so far as the word "think" applies to licking wounds and rediscovering
where they came from. Small means hiding places. Small means gaps in armor.
Small means ankles to bite, tendons to cut. Small means things that can't
reach her when she's under them, stabbing up.
But she wants to be big and strong and get tribute. She stretches her arms as
high as she can when she remembers to, but it has not made her any taller. She
pulls on her legs when she's sitting and resting, but they don't get any
longer.
A big spider though...that would do it. Ruza cannot really conceptualize the
idea of a long-term goal. But she can conceptualize greed and want, and so she
does and has.
SPIDER! YARK YARK!
Ruza the Avenger
Added Mon Mar 16 19:59:23 2026 at level 16:
Ruza remembered the first time she had died, there after she had been so proud
of finding the Secret Goblin Passage from the village to the deep mines of
Akan. The bugbear in the shaft that she had fled down, fleeing the dwarves
like the clever goblin she knew she was. Where the bugbear had been waiting.
It killed her. Fast. Easy. Didn't even break a sweat.
Ruza now stood at the entrance to the mineshaft. The same mineshaft. The one
she'd fled into all those moons ago, running from dwarves, running toward what
she thought was safety. Ruza remembered dying. Remembered the teeth.
Remembered the claws. Remembered the last thought before darkness: Should have
recalled! Too scared! Too much noise! It was the bugbear's fault for not
giving her a chance. But now she was back, with a goblin of her own. Grunkspit
the slave, bought from the same tunnel. A one-eyed menace.
Ruza was, for once, not coming in the back way. Not sneaking. She was mad. She
was coming in the front. Behind Ruza, Grunkspit waited. One orange eye fixed
on her back, wondering when and where best to stab, waiting for his
opportunity. "Boss?" he growled. "We go?"
"YARK YARK! WE GOIN' IN!"
They weren't there for dwarves this time. They were in search of something
else, maybe better than treasure (but probably not): Vengeance! The dwarves
had to go too, of course. Collateral damage. And besides, they have those
shinies on them. Even if they're in the way, waste not want not! YARK!
SHINIES!
Eventually they reached the abandoned shaft, where the dwarves were less and
the musky, lovely smell of death and rot was more. It was coming. It was in
there, somewhere.
The bugbear exploded out of the darkness just like before. YARK! Its charge
bounced off her new helmet.
Unboldened, though, she flung her slave into the front rank. Grunkspit joined
the fight with a scream of horror or battle or something. Ruza didn't care.
Ruza was great at being where the bugbear didn't want her to be. Same with the
slave, really. Ruza was always where she was least wanted - small, avoidable,
missable. The axe didn't miss, though!
Dagger and axe found flesh. Again. Again. Again.
Again. Again. Again.
Again. Again. Again.
"It's ded boss!"
Again. Again. Again. Chop, chop, chop. YARK. YARK!
In the end the bugbear's heart was torn out, and Ruza ate it.
Vengeance!
Vengeance maybe SWEETER than treasure!
YARK YARK!
Ruza the Wanted
Added Wed Mar 18 16:42:18 2026 at level 19:
Ruza got her first kill! Herlmanus the Azure-touched. There she was in
Voralian City, gathering up gears and so on, and saw that he was around. She
yelled for him to come out, and didn't understand why he wouldn't. So she got
to chopping up commoners instead. Each one dead was on his conscience, or so
she hoped - in the way that her instincts understood even if her tiny goblin
brain didn't.
It's been hard being Ruza lately! She's been kicked around left and right and
up and down! Finally a break! She pursues the healer through the streets and
finally takes him down. A victory! The first other adventurer she's killed in
ever! The orc bosses are gonna be so proud! The path to the greatest goblin
ever is getting walked!
But...there are no shinies on the corpse. This was a pauper. A lot of fine
leather stuff on him, even at a relatively respectable guild rank. Maybe this
wasn't right...She wants to make it up to him somehow, for reasons she doesn't
understand. Maybe slip a gold coin in somewhere.
But then Rumeli arrives and tries to put Ruza in irons! That's not fair!
That's not right! Ruza isn't a criminal! This is an outrage! But she runs off,
peackeepers and guards and enforcers in tow.
Now there is more YARK YARK to do! Maybe not in the big shiny places for
now...
Ruza the Lackey, Part 1
Added Thu Mar 19 09:33:49 2026 at level 24:
"YARK YARK! It's YOU!"
Velthryss. The half-drow that Ruza had gone a-killing with in Akan a few weeks
before. So much SHINY. So much DWARF BLOOD. And for once, Ruza hadn't been
betrayed or kicked aside or thrown to the frontline. This half-drow, this
Velthryss, was of a different sort. When Ruza noticed that she was around
again, she could barely contain her excitement. MORE KILLIN. YARK YARK.
Obviously the open, unprovoked murder had branded Ruza a wanted criminal. That
made life difficult. Roads? Off limits. Cities for loot-pawnin'? Forget it.
But none of that mattered right this moment. Velthryss was here! And the next
thing she said was like music to Ruza's filthy, hairy little ears:
"I am still playing with dwarves." "Me inna skull village! Onna way! YARK YARK!" More dwarves to chop!
Or...shoot, as the case may be. She looked at the bow she'd snatched from the
cold hands of a dead goblin raider in Silverwood. His fault for not
recognizing another goblin when he saw one. Da shooty joined da stabby an' da
choppy...Whether by axe, knife, or bow, it was time for more bloody hilarity.
YARK YARK!
...Ruza found Velthryss in Akan, as she always did. The half-drow was a
creature of shadows and stone, forever lurking in the dark corners of that
dwarf-infested hellhole, waiting for Ruza to arrive so they could paint the
walls red together. Ruza bounded up to her, practically vibrating with
excitement.
"We here!" she announced. "We kill dwarf! We take stuff! We YARK YARK!"
"Good," she said. "Let's hunt."
And hunt they did. And it was glorious. She asked Ruza at one point why Ruza
hated dwarves so much. Ruza had...never thought of this before. They are
there. They scream and get chopped and fall into pieces and bleed. At one
point, Velthryss commented on it. "You must really hate dwarves, huh?"
Ruza hadn't thought of this. She didn't like to think. It gave her headaches,
rememeber. But...well, Velthryss asked it. She had to now. Ow. It was less
that she hated dwarves and more that she loved the bloodshed. But no, also...
"They started it!"
And that was the answer. Or at least it was enough that Ruza didn't have to
keep thinking. "What did they do?" Damn. She had to think again. "THEY DIDN'T
SHARE DA SHINY STUFF!" Now that got the blood flowing. And not just Ruza's, as
her dagger found another artery and her axe split another skull like a chunk
of firewood. "IF YOU GET SOMEONES TO SHARE DEN YOUS CAN RUN OFF WIT DA LOT!"
Why wouldn't the dwarves just let Ruza do that? It's not fair! It's THEIR
FAULT.
Velthryss said nothing and watched. Maybe she'd pissed Ruza off intentionally,
but the results were, well, visceral to say the least.
Ruza the Lackey, Part 1.5
Added Thu Mar 19 09:34:59 2026 at level 24:
A few quarts of blood later, Ruza's brain catches up.
"Why you hate dem?" "Dwarves?" "YAW!" "I don't."
Ruza doesn't really care. Hatred or not, as long as there's killing to do and
a partner to do it. The more dwarves fall, the more she respects this taciturn
half-drow. The one who stays by her side. In Ruza's mind, that warped,
narcissistic, blood-drenched, wrinkle-free little chestnut behind her
ears...Velthryss is DA BOSS. Inasmuch as her treacherous little brain can even
conceptualize it, Ruza is loyal to Velthryss. Who's to say what this will lead
to?
Except, of course, for YARK YARK!
Ruza the Dubiously Loyal
Added Thu Mar 19 09:42:17 2026 at level 24:
They were still in Akan, still killing, still being the most dangerous pair in
the mountains, when something changed. Ruza's raidin' buddy paused for a
moment, as if sensing something. "I go kill that mage. Will be back soon."
Ruza perked up. "Me wanna come!" Velthryss considered. Shook her head. "You
stay. I should do it alone." Ruza's face fell for just a moment. Then
brightened with understanding. Velthryss was the boss. Velthryss knew best.
"Oh OK. Hmm. Me think about things inna skull." After all, the ongoing killing
had given Ruza lots to think about. Hitting the enemy not one time, not two
times...maybe hit them er...what comes after two? She paused. Thinking agin.
Ow. A talk with Chooltog would do her good. "Me means da skull village! Not me
skull! Me no thinkin in MY skull. Hurts too much!" And Velthryss's smile
widened. Just slightly.
"Me stay here, boss!" And now, in the Grinning Skull village, Ruza the Loyal
waits, surrounded by orcs and goblins and the familiar stench of violence. The
loot is piled beside her, coins and trinkets and the occasional finger she's
saving for later. She's not thinking too hard. Thinking hurts. But some
thoughts creep in anyway.
The chopping. Oh, the chopping was good. Peg's guts, Petrom's arm, Gilwar's
brains, Nikaulta's blood. So much blood. So many dwarves. Each one a memory, a
trophy, a story. The bow practice. Those single pierce commands that felt
awkward at first but were starting to feel natural. Soon she'd be able to kill
from range and up close. Soon she'd be death from everywhere. The blood. The
guts. The way dwarves screamed when the axe bit deep. The way their eyes went
wide when they realized they were dying. The way their bodies twitched and
jerked and finally, mercifully, stopped. Ruza da best, of course. But
Velthryss da boss.
These are good thoughts. Comfortable thoughts. The kind of thoughts that don't
hurt her tiny goblin brain. The contradiction goes unnoticed. She pulls out
the lock of Herlmanus's hair. It still glows faintly in the darkness, a tiny
reminder of the kill that changed everything. She rubs it between her fingers,
savoring the memory. This was no mere dwarf beard hank. This was bright, soft.
Worthy. Azure-touched were a rare prize. A prize from one, all the more so, so
Ruza reasoned. Besides, it was shiny!
She wonders if Velthryss is killing the mage yet. She hopes so. She hopes the
mage screams good. She'll find out when Velthryss comes back. And if Velthryss
doesn't come back... well. Then Ruza will have to go find her. And whoever
killed her will have a very bad day.
But Velthryss will come back. She always comes back. She's da boss. And if
something happens to her, like always, it is NOT RUZA'S FAULT.
Ruza the Extortionist
Added Thu Mar 19 09:57:50 2026 at level 24:
Kushkuna, a storm giant, appeared during the raid. He looked at the party and
seemed amused. "Look at the troublemakers," he had commented. Ruza was nothing
if not trouble, as evidenced by her standing over the steaming chunks of the
smith. But her greedy little cherry pit of a brain had an idea. This Kushkuna
(not that she really knew his name, but she knew a big strongie when she saw
one) should pay tribute to Ruza. Ruza has been beating ass. When that happens,
you get tribute. Simple as.
She planted her feet, puffed out her chest, and yelled up at the giant:
"YARK! You give us da good stuffs! Leave it inna SKull pit! Yaw?"
Kushkuna's piercing blue eyes narrowed. Confused, perhaps, but amused.
Perhaps. "Naw wusn't me!" he rumbled.
Ruza waved her axe impatiently. "YAW We knows! Wants ya ta do it!" The giant
seemed to consider this. But it's hard to tell from so far down. He asks,
voice like an avalanche: "What you after?"
Ruza paused. This was the hard part. She hadn't actually thought about what
tribute she wanted. Just that tribute was due. The silence stretched on for
minutes. Little Ruza scrunched up her face, thinking hard. It hurt. But this
was important. "Somethin' good! YHARK!"
"Well... I'm sure I can find something."
Ruza grinned a grin so wide it was nearly as frightening as the horrors she
had been visiting upon all the dwarfs around (in pieces as they may presently
be). She whirled around to face da boss, Velthryss. "YARK! Me gettin first
tribute from da BIG GUY!" She was practically vibrating with excitement.
"Tribute is EASY! Just gots to ASK!" It had never occurred to her to ask,
although any reason NOT to ask had also never occurred to her. But now that
she had, e xcitement mounted at a pace almost outstripping her ego. Almost.
"KUSHKUNA da BIG ONE! Him come by an me say YOU GIVE GOOD STUFF AN PUT IT INNA
GRIN SKULL PIT! An him say he do it so now me is da big boss! Him do what Ruza
say!"
Whether or not Ruza will remember to CHECK the pit later remains to be seen.
But for now? Ruza the Big Boss. But, come what may, Velthryss is still the
boss. YARK YARK!
Ruza the Siege Engineer, Part 1
Added Fri Mar 20 01:08:43 2026 at level 25:
Castle Akan loomed before her, all stone and shadow and the promise of shinies
within. But between Ruza and those shinies stood a dwarf and his two bears.
Massive, drooling, pawing at the ground with claws that could tear a goblin in
half.
Ruza was lonely. Bereft of da boss. Even Gurcheuga was nowhere to be found.
But...she did have an ogre. Eight feet of moldering hide and taut muscle and a
brain just smart enough to know that it should rip someone in half but not
smart enough to realize that it didn't have to wait for the order. But it did
wait... "YARK YARK! CHARGE!" Ruza screamed, and the ogre charged the gates,
towering over the dwarf sentry just as much as the bears at his command.
And Ruza charged right behind him, because Ruza is many things: foolish,
reckless, delusional, and most of all, greedy. Castle full of shiny things?
That's just a building-scale treasure chest with extra steps.
As always happens, things went terribly. This is Ruza at the helm, after all.
The two bears each seized one half of the ogre and tore it in half, pulling in
opposite directions, with claws prying and jaws tearing, while Ruza tangled
with their handler. Ruza never would have thought that the sound of 6000 gold
wasted would be such a delightful tearing noise, as from peak to perenium the
ogre had more torque applied to its trunk than it could - pardon the pun -
bear.
The battle between goblin and dwarf paused at the sight of the three
biological monstrosities becoming...well, still three, but perhaps better
rendered as two plus one half plus one half (not that Ruza would do the math).
But Ruza had the advantage now. With the onyx axe and the cold white talon she
hamstrung the handler, plucked the keys from his belt, and rolled him into the
melee. And into the jumble, she tossed a globgrenade, acquired on a prior
expedition with Gurcheuga, bless his bastard heart.
The gates lay unbarred (Or...able to be unbarred, now that Ruza had the key
and the gate guard had sunburns in places he'd not had them before: to whit,
the inner lining of his intestines). The ogre, Ruza's living battering ram,
had fallen, a pile of shredded, raw meat comprised of the scrambled
post-grenade remnants of everyone except the goblin that had made this lovely
reunion possible.
But the castle.
FULLA LOOT. FULLA SHINIES. It'd have to be. That's what a castle's for.
Ruza the Siege Engineer, Part 2
Added Fri Mar 20 01:23:07 2026 at level 25:
She unbars the gate and waltzes in for the heroine's welcome she knows is
hers. She expected loot. Shinies. The kind of treasure that made sieges
worthwhile.
Instead, she found guards. Lots of guards. And no room to maneuver.
She shoots an arrow down at a servant to start things off. A good start! It
screams and runs and so does Ruza. She rounds a corner. Two guards. She raises
the axe alongside her voice. YARK YARK!
About thirty seconds later, she realizes this was a mistake. Her brain,
perhaps, works better when its protective bone casing is shorn from it and it
is exposed to the air, for that is the extent of the absolute assbeating that
the guards gave her. She was holding on well enough to do what goblins do so
well they don't even need to think it. FLEE! Into Akan. The dwarf kept coming.
She shot him with a poisoned arrow. He slowed. Suffered. Turned green. Wobbled
on his feet. But he kept coming. She tripped him, she kicked him when he was
down (a trick that had not occurred to her until this late stage of her
adventure, but a damn effective one.) He grunted. Shoved her off. Took his
toll in blood and guts. He spat a foaming, disgusting, gunk from the side of
his mouth, the poison's nasty work. But he kept coming. Ruza led him on a
chase that would become legend. She saw in this particular castle guard the
dogged determination dwarves were known for. The kind of grit that causes them
to set up shop next to villages like hers and keep those villages there.
This just pissed her off. The sige should go RIGHT. She is a RAIDER. She has
TRIBUTE. He should DIE. Should be DEAD. Instead, he kept coming at her, and
breaking a new bone or leaving a new gash each and every FUKKEN time. YARK!
Every time the poison wore off, she reapplied it. But that left her exposed.
Even Ruza had to stop, aim and shoot. The guard got her each and every time.
And each and every time, she ran. Licked her wounds. Let her goblin toughness
do its work. The guard shivered. Suffered. Followed.
It took days. Maybe a week. Time blurs when you're running for your life and
poisoning a dwarf across three mountain ranges. They clashed briefly, again
and again. Each time, Ruza lost ground. Each time, she ran off to recover, and
gained it back. The guard was faster, stronger, better armed. But Ruza was
smaller, and small meant gaps in pursuit, meant hiding places, meant surviving
when she should have died. She had learned this before.
Each clash, Ruza lost a foot of ground. Each clash, the guard lost an inch.
Each clash, Ruza gained back eleven inches, and the guard lost two. Little by
little, the gap closed.
The chase ended just before the mineshaft. THAT mineshaft. The some one with
the bugbear, at the base of the west mountain. Nowhere else to run.
Ruza the Siege Engineer, Part 3 (Final)
Added Fri Mar 20 01:29:23 2026 at level 25:
Ruza turned to the guard, who was so frustratingly still standing. It was SO
UNFAIR. He was RUNING HER CASTLE SIEGE.
She threw her bow aside. She picked up her axe and her dagger. Enough.
The subsequent "YAARRRRKH!" needed no translation. They fought. The guard
nearly hewed her in two from the start. But for the poison, he might have
done. But he looked down. Ruza's offhand dagger was buried in his throat. "You
get da POINT!?" she snarled.
Ruza stood over the body, breathing hard, covered in her blood and his. A
clump of his hair was ripped from his head - the lower part of it,
specifically.
Ruza, the Siege Engineer.
Fin.
Author's note: In purely mechanical terms, I accidentally aggro'd an Akan
castle guard rather than the servant I was after. I hit him with the poisoned
arrow and then had to spend like 45 minutes letting the DoT erode him down
while he chased me all over Akan, desperately healing up anytime we met and he
took off like 60% of my health in a round. To keep him from regenning, I had
to keep reapplying the poison, had to keep taking chances. And after I finally
brought him down, I thought "this should be commemorated somehow." And so it
has been.
Ruza the Spider Rider, Part 1
Added Fri Mar 20 06:12:28 2026 at level 26:
After much shinkicking, rock throwing, and presentation of various pieces of
dwarves, elves, and peacekeepers, and at least one alleged instance of
dropping trousers and threatening to shit directly into the communal feedpit,
Ruza finally got Chooltog the Rabit to relent.
(One of the more reclusive male goblins later approached to ask about the last
one, conducted in private. Ruza instead conducted his privates deep into his
abdominal cavity by way of borrowed platemail boot. Whether this was actually
a deterrent or not is admittedly unclear.)
Chooltog and Ruza stood behind the barracks. It was time for Ruza to learn to
ululate. Granted, Chooltog had to admit, the noise the male goblin had made
when Ruza had rebuffed him was respectably close to the target vocalization.
It was early winter. The Month of the Winter Wolf. The cold air hung close and
thin here in the mountains. Ruza learned the technique.
YARK YARK! SPIDER!
She had pulled on her legs until they hurt so much, even if it didn't make her
taller. She had stretched her arms, reaching for the sky, as if to snatch the
sun itself from the welkin and filch it away. They didn't get any longer. But
it made her feel better. It was better than thinking.
She and da boss went to the Arendyl Vale. Ruza had insisted, screeching and
hopping. It felt right. Bring something out from where the elf magic was
strong. The winter air didn't do much to blunt the floral fragrance. The
various decidious trees left no leaf cover between soil and sky.
Ruza took a deep breath. Then she saw it. There in the bushes. Watching.
ELF!
She dragged it into the clearing by the hair, ignored its babbling, and kicked
its knees out from under it. "You watch!" she told it. Velthryss looked on,
impassive.
Ruza the Spider Rider, Part 2
Added Fri Mar 20 06:24:03 2026 at level 26:
The elf watches. It listens. It voids its bladder perhaps, but there has been
enough toilet humour for one story.
Ruza, being Ruza, lets loose. YARK YARK YARK YARK YARK YARK....
The pitch drops. It rumbles through her chest, through her feet, through the
ground itself. The trees shiver. Stones vibrate. Somewhere in the forest, a
bird takes flight, then another, then a dozen, leaving their nests behind, the
sound of wingflutter bouncing through the verdant vale.
Ruza's throat burns. Her lungs ache. Her voice cracks, but she holds it. The
sound sinks into the earth, travels through roots and rock, finds paths that
haven't been walked in centuries. It reaches down into the old places, the
deep places, the dark places where things that were old when the mountains
were young still wait.
YARK! YARK! YARK! YARK!
[You failed to properly ululate!]
Ruza coughs. Swallowed spit at the wrong time, because this is Ruza we're
talking about. The call that was supposed to reach into the deep places
fizzles into nothing. She rubs her throat.
The forest is quiet. Too quiet. The birds she startled are gone. The wind
hasn't come back. The shadows are just shadows again. She looks to the elf.
"STUPID ELF! YOUR FAULT!" Because it's never Ruza's fault. Remember this.
Thus ends a lifespan measured in centuries, and if Ruza had known that she had
just unwittingly plucked the lynchpin out of several political machinations
the likes of which would have turned Darsylon upside-down.
But that is a different tale. Instead, let the lens return to Ruza, who is
holding the elf by the hair and repeatedly slamming its face into a tree
trunk. Whether it is alive or dead, not even Velthryss can tell. "STOOPID
FOREST MAGIK! MAKE DA SPYDA COME!"
Ruza the Spider Rider, Part 3
Added Fri Mar 20 07:16:27 2026 at level 26:
STOOPID! FOREST! MAGIC! She slams the elf's face into the trunk with each
word. STOOPID! A wet crack. The bark splinters. FOREST! Another crack, but not
in the tree this time. The elf's nose is gone. What remains is a red smear.
MAGIC! The trunk shudders. Leaves fall. The elf's body goes limp.
MAKE! An eye slips from its socket. DA! A twig falls from above. SPYDA! The
lower jaw displaces. COME! The cranium cracks. Brains splatter from ears and
nose like a popped zit.
Ruza was furious. They were ruining her fun again. She looked stoopid in front
of da boss. She had stretched her arms and legs and even practiced. She keeps
smashing and smashing and screaming and screaming.
YARK! FUKKEN! SPYDA! COME!
SPYDA! COME!
SPYDA!
COME!
She kept going until she was hoarse and raw and shaking. She kept at it until
it was less an elf's FACE she was beating into the tree than it was its whole
torso (less one U-shaped indentation between the shoulders).
The savagery, the desire - these were the foundations of that ancient, fell
pact between Goblins and foul creatures made when the mountains were gulfs.
Ruza, slouched and smelly and spent, turned.
It was there, just as it always had been, lurking in the shadows, or perhaps
the stark branches above, the patient predatory nature of its kind. Eight
legs. Black eyes. Armored carapace. It had watched her fail. Watched her rage.
Watched her beat an elf into a smear on a tree trunk.
And it had smelled something it recognized. Beasts know nothing of technique
or practice....But they do know hunger. Rage. The absolute certainty that the
world owed her a spider, and she was going to take it.
That was the old pact. The one made when mountains were gulfs and goblins were
small and the world was dark. The one that didn't care about words or
technique, because the pact had been made when those were not even
conceptualized.
The one that said: if you want it badly enough, it's yours.
Ruza the Spider Rider, Part 4
Added Fri Mar 20 07:17:51 2026 at level 26:
Ruza, hands were slick with elf blood, rooty arms were shaking from
exhaustion, throat raw from screaming, looked in awe. DA SPYDA. She would have
YARK YARKED if she could.
The spider's legs twitched. Its eyes reflected the moonlight. It was deciding.
Ruza didn't wait for it to decide. She jumped. For one crystalline moment, she
was airborne, with arms out, legs spread, splayed almost in the way resembling
her target.
The spider's eight black eyes reflected her tiny green form, growing larger,
growing closer, growing inevitable.
Then she landed, like a discarded dishrag on a metal counter. Not gracefully
or cleanly. Her bony knees jabbed into the spider's abdomen, her hands
clutched madly at joints and exoskeleton, and her face smacking into the
armored ridge at the back of its head.
The spider, still unto now, exploded into motion. It thrashed and spun in a
circle so fast the world became a blur of trees and sky and elf parts. Its
legs scrabbled against the loam beneath, tearing up roots, flinging dirt, and
further desecrating the discarded elf torso via introduction of several new
puncture gouges the size of fence posts.
And Ruza held on, with fist and knee and, in time, with teeth. She bit into
the ridge of its carapace and held. Her fingers were wedged into the gaps in
its carapace, her thighs clutched the joint where head met abdomen, her entire
body a knot of goblin-shaped determination that refused to be untied.
The spider ran onto the trees. Through the trees. Over the trees. Any possible
preposition but "into" or "through" would probably apply. It climbed straight
up an ancient oak, legs finding holds where there were none, defying gravity
and reason and everything Ruza thought she knew about how the world worked. At
the tree's bare top, it flung itself back down. It had a lifeline, and Ruza
did not.
Ruza held. The spider landed on a rock the size of a cottage and used itto try
and scrape her off. Ruza had seen worse, endured worse, the hammer blows of
dwarf and orc and fist and guard.
It tried to roll. She rolled with it. She had dodged more nimbly in Akan, in
Mortorn. It tried to rear back and slam her into the ground, and she let go
with one hand...just one...and punched it in the eye. A cheap shot, the kind
she had learned.
Ruza the Spider Rider, Part 5 (and final)
Added Fri Mar 20 07:19:58 2026 at level 26:
In all the struggle, somewhere deep in Ruza's little peach-pit brain, she
realized, that this was how it was going to be. There would be no gallant bond
between goblin and beast. There would be no coordination or intuitive mutual
understanding. Why would there be? Such things did not exist in the world of
orcs and goblins. (Not that she had ever expected it. No, this is a note to
the reader, delivered with as much subtlety as Ruza herself would want. YARK!)
Ruza and the spider were not mount and master, but rather two unstoppable
forces. To make the most of it, point them both in the same direction. Give
the two bitter enemies a common rival to overcome.
They ripped out of the forest, wind whipping in front and dirt furrowing
behind. Velthryss, somehow, kept pace. Seeing this, Ruza the Lackey knew what
to do.
"YARK YARK! OUTTA DA WAY! RUZA DA SPIDERIDERERIDERRIDRERRER!"
She knew how to say "spider rider". She did not know how to stop, except to
add: BOSS COMIN' THROUGH!" They flew across the road through the plains,
overturning the cart that had been there for years, victim of a recent attack,
undoing in moments the repair and cleanup had taken this long to do, leaving
the cart overturned yet again, the scene still looking as fresh as ever.
Perhaps that was why it always looks like it's just been toppled. Maybe each
time they stand it back up, something like this happens.
Not the time for such things as the plains disappear beneath them like one of
those magic tricks where the magician rips a tablecloth out from under a stack
of plates. The spider stops just as suddenly, trying to throw its rider. It
doesn't work.
Instead, Ruza just turns to Velthryss.
"YARK YARK! So where we goin'?"
[Author's note: You may have noticed, immortals, that there was great struggle
and angst and undoing and redoing of these roles, their formatting, and their
names. I apologize. It's hard for goblins to count past 3.]
The Return of the King
Added Fri Mar 20 19:40:42 2026 at level 29:
Herlmanus appeared in the world again, while Ruza was busily shooting arrows
into elves with her GOOD FRIENDS Velthryss and Gurcheuga.
She reached out to him. Him's GOOD HUNTING! But she not wanna hunt him no
more. Him no fun to chop up. (Well actually, LOTS of fun, but maybe not fun
for him. Ruza dunno why she cares about this, but there is a vague sense that
the animating force behind Ruza cares...Thinking again. OUCH!)
Herlmanus tells her that the Light will find her sooner or later. In instants,
an elven guardsman finds Ruza and runs her through.
This is Herlmanus' fault, of course, and never Ruza's. But she is overjoyed.
SHE FOUND A PROPHET. HERLMANUS TELLS DA FYUCHUR! So she needs to think of a
way to get him to say RUZA GREATEST GOBLIN IN THERA, so it comes true.
This will be a challenge to our pea-brained spideriderderererider.
YARK YARK!
Ruza the Interrogator, Part 1: Information
Added Sat Mar 21 18:55:56 2026 at level 31:
Ruza was overjoyed. She had gotten an envenomed dagger, the same that she had
seen Gurcheuga using while they hewed and hacked and split and shot their way
through elf after elf after elf in Darsylon. It was nostalgic in its way
was thinking about how she used to slay her way through the Vale of Arendyl.
Ah, good times. But the Darsylon raid was behind her. A new raid was
forthcoming.
She was alone. She had her warg, her axe, and the new dagger that made her
grin every time she looked at it. Da boss was in cities Ruza didn't know,
doing thief things that didn't involve killing. What those things could be,
Ruza had no idea, but Ruza had something new: information. Da boss had told
her where to get her OWN black iron sword. Past Gol'Galath. She'd heard
something else good about Gol'Galath: There were some of her folk there.
Ornery orcs. Goblins.
The warg took off across the plains, and up the foothills, into the mountains.
She found the dwarves who shrank away when her warg flew past them, its claws
scrabbling on stone, its teeth bared at anything that moved. She and her warg
were not partners. This was a hostage situation on four legs, and it was
pointed towards the goblins and orcs she'd heard were there. She followed the
screams. Orcs were always screaming and shouting and brawling, if not among
themselves than with the nearest available alternative. Usually goblins. In
any case, it was the easiest thing in the world to track. She found the
palisade and bowled her way through. It would be a nice pit stop on the way to
Velkyn Oloth. Or so she thought.
They attacked her. Of course they attacked her. They were orcs! They attacked
everything. They didn't care that she was a goblin...If anything, that just
gave them a reason. They saw something that wasn't them, and they tried to
kill it. She approved heartily, and set about her joyous task. And while she
wasn't here for them, she was still having a delightful little pit stop all
the same as she axed each of them many questions.
Globsard was waiting for her at the end of the valley, and was bigger than the
others, greener and meaner, with keener weapons, thicker armor, and such big
tusks. He was standing over the body of the last goblin, his whip still
dripping, his sword still wet, his chest heaving. He'd killed everything that
had come through the pass. Dwarves. Orcs. Goblins. Didn't matter. They came,
they fought, they died. That was the way of things. Then he heard the
screaming, or rather, a screaming of a different kind. A YARK YARK kind of
screaming that meant someone on the other end of the vale was having the time
of her life.
Ruza the Interrogator, Part 2: Interrogation
Added Sat Mar 21 18:58:09 2026 at level 31:
The warg burst onto the scene, and Globsard had time to see the teeth, the
fur, the yellow eyes, the crimson muzzle. He had time to raise his whip, and
had time to think WUT (which, to be fair to orcs, takes them longer than it
might take you or me). Then an orc's severed arm flew through the air and hit
him in the face.
It was still warm. Still dripping. Still had a hand attached, fingers curled
like it was trying to grab something. Globsard caught it as it fell slowly
from where it had hit, square between the eyes, and for one perfect moment, he
was standing there staring at it, trying to understand in his overcooked
little mind. The warg hit him next in a full body tackle, all two hundred
pounds of black fur slamming into his side, and he went down, his head hitting
the ground hard, and the world went white.
When he came to, a psycho little yellow-eyed goblin was standing over him,
small and wiry and covered in blood and worse. Her hair was wild, her eyes
were wilder, and in her hand she was holding something that took Globsard a
moment to recognize: The arm. The one she'd thrown at him, held like a club,
with a manaical grin on her face. "HI," she said. Then she hit him with it.
Although it wasn't a great weapon it did make a satisfying thwack when it hit
his face, and the fingers left welts, and the blood sprayed in patterns that
Ruza thought were pretty. She hit him again and again. And again!
Globsard tried to fight back. Tried to grab her. Tried to do anything except
lie there and take it. That's when he realized that his hamstrings had
been...hamstrung, and the warg that had done it was sitting on his back,
holding him in place. He snarled and reached back, and the warg's teeth sank
into his wrist. Something cracked that wasn't supposed to crack.
Ruza raised the arm again, but then opted to be diplomatic. Summoning her
powers of persuasion, she managed "WHERE DA VELKOTH PLACE". Da boss had said,
that where black iron swords is. She needs one because she had lots of elfes
to show it to. Globsard didn't answer, which was annoying. He was ruining
Ruza's fun again, and she was just so tired of it. She drove a thumb into his
eye (Not HER thumb, but *a* thumb nonetheless, which you'll find is still an
effective interrogation tool even if liberated from the steaming corpse of its
prior owner. Ruza could tell you.)
"PAST THE PASS! THROUGH THE FOREST! OLD DUNGEON! DARK-ELVES IN!!" Ruza leaned
closer, grin widening. "Dem gots da BLAKIRON?!"
"BAD ELFS HAVE IT!" grunted Globsard. Oh, this sounded just delightful! It was
just like da boss had said. But this was no time to drift off, as Globsard
kept talking. "ROCHE TURD GOB! YOU NEVER GET TA HIM INNA KEEP!" It is too bad
that an orc with such a loquacious vocabulary, incorporating words like "keep"
and "never", was about to die. "ME KILL DUMB GOBBO-"
Ruza the Interrogator, Part 3: Inspiration
Added Sat Mar 21 19:00:32 2026 at level 31:
Tch! Ruza, fiendishly creative, kicked him in the head. Too bad, really! A
scintillating conversationalist is a terrible thing to waste. He snarled so
handsomely. And the sounds he made as the warg rooted about in his abdominal
cavity and ripped out hot, soggy intestines, snuffling other organs out of the
way so as to get to the twitching lungs and squirting liver would take pride
of place for weeks in her goldfish-span memory. But those memories would be
secondary to the burning memory of what he'd just said: VELKYN OLOTH.
The warg took off to the east, over the river, through the woods, to
Grand-duergar's house she went.
Ruza the Infiltrator, Part 1 - Arrival
Added Sat Mar 21 19:18:50 2026 at level 31:
The warg tore through the underbrush and between the trees like a black tide,
and Ruza clung to its back with one hand and swung her axe with the other, her
new dagger tucked in her belt, her eyes fixed on the dark shapes that
flickered between the trunks. She came upon the gate. The first guard was drow
It was everything she had imagined. Dark skin. White hair. And best of
all...armaments and armour of the blackinest, ironest she'd seen. Just like da
boss Velthryss had. Ruza sat astride her warg and stared, and it took her tiny
little apricot-put brain a moment to realize that his sword was raised and his
mouth was open and he was shouting a challenge.
She is too busy looking over the the black iron armor they wear, the rippling
black cloaks, the shadowiron weapons, and all she can think of is that each
guard is just a walking treasure pile that's keeping all the shinies from her.
Time to GET DA GOoDIES!
Ruza's axe found his chest. His armor cracked. FAKK. It was his fault it
broke, of course. Why did he have to be wearing it? As his blood sprayed and
he staggered forward, Ruza was already reaching for his sword, already lifting
it, already feeling the weight of black iron in her hand. It was perfect:
Balanced, long, light. The kind of sword that would make Velthryss proud. But
wait. Velthryss' was shorter than this. Her avaricious eye turned past the
gates. More goodies inside. Just like Akan, but backwards.
Ruza hacked the gates down with her axe and shouldered her through, as guards
came from everywhere. All of them holding so. Much. Good. Stuff. With a YARK
and a YARK, her axe found ribs, her dagger found kidneys, and her greed found
perpetual want. Her warg found legs, arms, spines, whatever got in its way.
The black iron longsword she'd picked up from the first guard was in her other
hand now, swinging wild, cutting through guards like paper, leaving trails of
blood arcing through the air and painting the walls. Each guard was a big
walking sack of loot, each holding something she wanted: A belt here, a boot
there.
It was all wonderful. Except the sword. Ruza needed the shorter one. She was
no hulking Orc, she was a tiny little bundle of hate and mayhem. So she
graciously gave the longsword to the nearest guard by way of insertion of its
entire length into his torso. The sub-commander would be next.
Ruza the Infiltrator, Part 2 - Sub-Commander
Added Sat Mar 21 19:20:17 2026 at level 31:
Said sub-commander stood in the center, her black iron armor gleaming, her
shortsword drawn, her red eyes fixed on the creature that had just burst
through her guards like a screaming green comet. Ruza charged, axe swinging,
dagger stabbing, screaming YARK YARK at the top of her lungs, eyes fixated on
that (short!) length of (black!) iron. That same iron that lifted to meet the
screaming raider's onslaught.
Ruza's axe glanced off the general's guard, and the general's counterstroke
fast. Yes, that was the stuff. That was a swift sword. Ruza wanted it even
more. But the subcommander was good. Much better than the guards. Her
(swift!) sword found gaps that shouldn't have been there, pressed advantages
that Ruza didn't know she'd given up, forced her back across the room step by
step by step. "YARK YARK!" It was a wild sound, high and cracked and
absolutely insane. The general's eyes flickered. Just for a second. Just long
enough for Ruza to duck under her guard and drive her dagger toward the gap
between her ribs.
Ruza the Swordsgoblin, Part 1
Added Sat Mar 21 19:25:42 2026 at level 31:
At the altar in the Grinning Skull village, Ruza held up her precious, ornate
black battle axe. the one that had killed more dwarves and elves and guards
than she could count. It was hers, had always been hers, was the closest she
had to a friend. But she didn't need it anymore. She knew how it felt in her
hand. She knew (oh, so intimately) how it felt hewing a skull or an arm or a
leg, of dwarf or elf or pig or peacekeeper.
But she had the black iron sword now. The general's sword. Quicker, lighter,
better for the kind of fighting she did. The axe had done its work, had
carried her through a hundred fights. Now it was time to let someone else
carry it.
Don't get Ruza wrong! This isn't generosity! She'd love to add it to a hoard
somewhere. This isn't altruism! She'd love to bully someone else into begging
her for it. But she wanted to be more like da boss. Wanted to show the sword
to da elfes. She'd leave the axe here and come back for it when she needed it.
She stashed it in the pit, off to the side. No one would see it, and she'd
know where it was when she needed it.
For now, though, it was time to show the elfes her new, black iron toy.
Ruza the Assassination Target
Added Sat Mar 21 19:33:38 2026 at level 31:
The path was empty. Ruza had been riding for hours, from the pass back toward
the camp, her pack full of loot from Velkyn Oloth, her sword wet from the
guard she'd killed in Galadon, her blood still singing from the fight. The
warg was tired. The spider was somewhere behind her. She was alone on a
mountain path, and the sun was going down, and the shadows were getting long.
She didn't see him, but her coward instincts knew what to do. One moment, she
was riding her spider. Next, she was dropping and rolling off the spider's
back, bow up, whipping around to see Aegus, stepping out of the shadows. She
couldn't tell much about him, except what mattered: He was human an dhe was
fast. The kind of fast that came from years of killing things before they
could react. His hands were empty, but that didn't mean anything. Assassins
didn't need weapons. The fight was on. He moved. She moved. The spider was
there, biting, clawing, trying to pin him down, but he was faster. His heel
came down onto the spider's eye in a wheel kick that was but the first half of
his airborne somersault onto our little green hero. On dismount, his hands
found her wrist and twisted, and her bow went flying. She didn't care. She
tried to grip her daggerwith the other hand, but her wrenched wrist and its
attached hand just juddered and did nothing. He wasn't giving her a chance to
think about this, though, and moved again. His fist found her ribs. His palm
found her face. His knee found her thigh. In one moment, she had gone from a
ride home on spiderback to bleeding, dying, and laughing. She got a punch in
with the hand that should've had a poison dagger in.
"YARK YARK!" she screamed, whipping the sword up, running on adrenaline
alone. He was good. His hands were everywhere, his feet were everywhere, his
whole body was a weapon that never stopped moving. She couldn't hit him.
Couldn't block him. Couldn't do anything except take the hits and wait for
him to make a mistake. He didn't make mistakes. So Ruza made an exit.
She leapt off the spider and deeper into the village. Lost him.
Later, when she could see straight and her hands had stopped shaking, she
found his name. And she was overjoyed. Was this the first blossom of love in
our pure maiden's heart? "Nice fightin!" His answer came back fast and
nonplussed. "You not a villager?" She didn't understand. No, she wasn't
"villager!" Whose fault was this? NOT HERS. Whoever "villager" was, she'd rip
him apart.
"Me RUZA," she retorted. "Dat me name! Not AVILJER!" Oh, that he would
remember. Oh, that he would burble out her name in a froth of blood with his
last breath, with a sword of iron spilling blood from his femoral artery.
A pause. Then: "You just had the unfortunate timing of being seen with them."
It didn't matter. He'd tried to kill her, she'd almost died, and that was that.
Ruza the Bruzed
Added Sun Mar 22 09:43:04 2026 at level 32:
Ruza was sitting on the cold stone of the Dark Altar, her wounds still fresh,
her blood still drying, her hands still shaking from the fight, not that she
could feel them. In Augbar's place, she flung her empty recall potion vial at
the chained dwarf, and another ineffectual heal washed over her. Her ego was
nearly as bruised as her arm. This was the 3rd time that she'd been assailed
by assassins, and the 3rd time she'd been driven back and had to flee. And the
3rd time that it was NOT HER FAULT. They were ruining her fun again, hoarding
all the shiny blood and glistening insides and quivering, thrumming, steaming
organs all inside their bodies, and not even letting her have a look, let
alone hack them apart. But one of them spoke to her. That was a first.
Akensola. The would-be avatar of destruction, or so he told her. "You're quite
strong," he had said. Ruza was stunned. And in the best way. No one had called
her strong before. Plenty of other names, but not 'strong'.
"YEE! THEM'S GOOD FIGHTING!" she roars, leaping to her feet, one arm dangling uselessly, flopping back and batting her thigh like a limp hose. Akensola's voice again: "Destruction itself spoke to me. I seek to be an avatar of destruction."
Ruza didn't understand half of that and didn't care about the other half,
except for, of course, "destruction". The same hunger that drove her, the same
need to break things, to kill things, to be the thing that things were afraid
of. He was like her. Well, almost. Not green enough, and used too many words.
She told him so. She paid compliment for compliment. Not out of a sense of
empathy or respect, as those are not in the goblin lexicon. Still, she did the
best she could. "YOU SOUND LIKE A GOB!"
"A Goblin?"
Ruza couldn't see him, but she was sure he was afire with joy, just as she
was."YARK! But talkin too much, more HITTIN! YARK YARK!"
"Yes. I agree."
She was already planning the next fight. The next time they'd meet. The next
time they'd try to kill each other. It was going to be beautiful.
Ruza the Jobby, Part 1
Added Wed Mar 25 07:09:36 2026 at level 33:
The centaur Selka reached out to Ruza, looking for someone to fetch saddlebags
and horseshoes for her. Now, Ruza is no one's errand girl-- Oh, who are we
kidding? She's a GOBLIN. Of COURSE she is! Especially if the errand is MURDER
AND LOOTING. She goes through the Silverwood, up the mountain. She's tried
this path before, but fell off a tree (FUKKEN WOODS) and gave up, but this
time, the mule was there. The man was there. But Ruza was gonna do something
about that.
She'd learned to backstab lately, and it was high time to take a stab at it.
But this is Ruza, not some skulking thief (no offence to da boss)...She
SHRIEKED as she leapt forward at him.
Her dagger drove into his shoulder blade like a nail through wet wood. The
blade sank to the hilt. His blood sprayed across her face, hot and thick, the
kind of blood that meant she'd hit something important. He screamed. His hand
went to his sword, but his arm wasn't working. The poison was already
spreading, turning his muscles to mud, turning his bones to lead.
She pulled it out, and drove it into his back again. Through his coat and out,
through his ribs and out, through his kidney and out. YARK YARKing all the
while.
The mule was watching the whole ordeal, impassive, with nostrils were flaring.
Ruza walked to it. Her boots squelching in the mud, red from top to bottom
with the beast's former master's blood. Her grin was the only white thing in
view.
She grabbed the saddlebags. They were heavy, bulging with things that probably
had names, probably had value, probably didn't matter. She was on a JOB! Ruza
the JOBBY! The horseshoes came next, and presented a problem: They were
nailed on. This being Ruza, she didn't have a tool. This being Ruza, she
didn't need one. She grabbed the mule's leg in one hand and lifted her dagger
in the other. She swung downward. The shoe came off, with an extra snack for
the road alongside.
Ruza the Jobby, Part 2
Added Wed Mar 25 07:13:30 2026 at level 33:
The rapier was next. Just like Ruza's! This would require a dive into the
shitpipes beneath Galadon, but Ruza didn't mind.
She did mind when she took a wrong turn and fell into...well, into falling.
"Screw this! Me get outta here an' give you the other stuff!"
Selka agreed.
Ruza and Selka finally met in Hamsah Mu'Tazz, and Ruza found it uproarious
that Selka fell off the docks and thrashed around in the water for a while. It
came to pass that Selka also hates magic. Just like da BOSS! Just like Gurchy!
They were going to be great friends!
Ruza liked the big centaur so much that she even went to get the sword in the
end after all. And she demanded tribute from Selka, to which the centaur
agreed.
Ruza seems to find herself in the company of villagers quite often. She
doesn't care one way or the other, or even know or appreciate any harm that
magic might pose. She knows that they can YARK with the BEST OF EM and likes
that Gurchy and da BOSS go and take her on BEATINS and CHOPPINS. What more
could a goblin want?
If the big horsebutt lady wants to also give BEATINS and CHOPPINS and GUTS,
then YARK YARK to em!
Ruza the Loyal
Added Sat Mar 28 07:00:33 2026 at level 34:
Velthryss was gone. Ruza got word while she was lurking around the Grinning
Skull village, counting up loot and sucking on the severed fingers of the
latest dead elf. No more boss. What was a little goblin to do?
Somewhere in that not-so-crumpled wax ball between her spiked ears, Ruza felt
a sense of loss, somehow. She had quite liked da boss and would now have no
one to show off her backstabs to, no one to watch and imitate the
coin-pinching technique of, no one whose back she could stare at and
contemplate slamming a dagger into it (not that she would - you don't go afta
da boss! Unless you can be the next boss...)
A moot point now that there WAS no boss. No more Velthryss. Ruza didn't feel
sad about this, as such, except perhaps to lament that she wouldn't be able to
mimic the thief anymore, but soon Gurcheuga appeared. And Ruza's fiendish gold
eyes lit up.
NEW BOSS! YARK YARK!
Ruza the Champion
Added Mon Mar 30 06:15:56 2026 at level 39:
They called her Champion now. She thought maybe it was like Taskmistress,
which she understood because she gave tasks and people did them, or like
Humiliator, which she understood because she humiliated people, or like
Slaughterer, which she understood because she slaughtered people, or like
Corruptor, which she understood because she corrupted people, or like Loser,
which she understood because she used to lose a lot and...now she didn't.
She puzzled on the term for days all the same. At last, she thought maybe it
had something to do with champing, which was what you did when you ate
something tough, like elf ears or the gristly bits around the roots of a
dwarf's beard. and she reasoned (after much thought) that it must be so,
since she was very good at champing. She had champed a lot of things. She was
going to champ more things. That was probably why they called her that. Also,
Gurcheuga had told her that a champion was someone who ran around getting food
for the boss. And he was the boss now. It all made sense.
Somewhere inside that gnawed walnut between her ears, she felt that she was
close to the pinnacle, reaching the top, or...something that she didn't have a
name for. She had met the Goblin Prince once, and maybe she is getting near to
that, or maybe not. What matters to her most is that other people have the
shiny things in their hands and their vaults, and they have the delicious
things in their bodies and their larders, and she wants to eat them all and
keep them all, respectively or not.
She thinks of Velthryss sometimes, da (honorary former) boss, and the things
she learned from the half-drow. Like how to knock someone over and then stick
a dagger up their nose and give it a kick for good measure, or where the
tendons at the back of the ankle were easiest to snip.
But watching Gurcheuga had taken this up to eleven, since where Velthryss had
sliced gracefully and punctured deliberately, Gurcheuga, that mad little
duergar, would hack arteries apart and FLING daggers into exposed throats. She
couldn't want to try that, but couldn't quite manage, and often ended up
lunging at people and slamming her hands into the sides of their head instead,
which suited her fine.
She was RUZA! And there's more FLESHY ELFES to YARK on!
Ruza the Sneak
Added Wed Apr 1 18:59:38 2026 at level 39:
still 0. Not that she would be ablae to calculate such intimidating figures.
She did, however, notice that when she was skulking through the shadows of the
Grinning Skull village, that she seemed to be a bit more adept at it than
before, and moreover, she seemed to be GETTING more adept at it MORE FASTER
than before, so who cares about doubles and learning when one can get better
at things faster?
And so she learned all that she could manage about hiding and sneaking. And
just to be sure, she tried to backstab Grazog the meat-seller, but it didn't
work and led to a protracted drag-out fight through the village from which she
also discovered that her cheap tricks were also coming to her more naturally
than before. Also, she had not tried beating on the orcs in the Grinning Skull
villgae before, and found that despite them saying things like "Little goblin
should know its place!" that in the end it was her standing blood-soaked over
their steaming gut piles - even if it had required sneaking and hiding and
licking wounds to get there.
All in all, it had been a good and productive day with a lot of new tricks up
Ruza's sleeve, but what was meant by "double learning" would vex her
forevermore. Even so, the road to the final, highest rank was closer than
ever. She had barely managed not to backslide.
It was a blessed day in Thera. The gods had granted the world an additional
learning capacity - double what was usual! Unfortunately for Ruza, 2x0 is
still 0. Not that she would be able to calculate such intimidating figures.
She did, however, notice that when she was skulking through the shadows of the
Grinning Skull village, that she seemed to be a bit more adept at it than
before, and moreover, she seemed to be GETTING more adept at it MORE FASTER
than before, so who cares about doubles and learning when one can get better
at things faster?
And so she learned all that she could manage about hiding and sneaking. And
just to be sure, she tried to backstab Grazog the meat-seller, but it didn't
work and led to a protracted drag-out fight through the village from which she
also discovered that her cheap tricks were also coming to her more naturally
than before. Also, she had not tried beating on the orcs in the Grinning Skull
village before, and found that despite them saying things like "Little goblin
should know its place!" that in the end it was her standing blood-soaked over
their steaming gut piles - even if it had required sneaking and hiding and
licking wounds to get there.
All in all, it had been a good and productive day with a lot of new tricks up
Ruza's sleeve, but what was meant by "double learning" would vex her
forevermore. Even so, the road to the final, highest rank was closer than
ever. She had barely managed not to backslide.
Ruza, Goblin Princess
Added Thu Apr 2 18:23:49 2026 at level 40:
Guldencratz and Sons smelled like blood and money, two of Ruza's favorite
things.
The former could be attributed to the blood spurting from the stump of the
jeweler's neck. His head was in her hands.
The YARK YARKing had stopped, the customers had all run off, and the only
sounds were Gurcheuga's breathing and the wet sound of Ruza's fingers digging
into the dead man's skull.
Somewhere deep in the smooth recesses of her little goblin brain, she felt
that she had achieved the peak, had earned the title of Goblin Princess. She
didn't know how she could tell, not really...she just knew that when the
jeweler's head came off, when it had rolled across the floor and stopped under
the display case full of rings, she felt something shift. She would have to
tell Trakcus, of course, that marriage was now an inevitability.
She picked up the severed head, which was, for some bizarre reason, massively
huge, much bigger than it should have been. Then, so was she. Perhaps it was
the foolishness of the gods on this very special occasion. In any case, it was
done. And it hadn't required Herlmanus' prophecy, after all.
It had instead required Gurcheuga by her side. And Velthryss, da boss. But
more than anything else, it was Ruza that had done it. A million YARK YARKs, a
hundred punctured skulls, a dozen ripped and torn body parts stuffed down her
gob.
She had gone from Loser to Princess, but there was still more to do. More guts
to spill, more things to find. And more holes to put in Herlmanus, if nothing
else.
YARK YARK!